Extended Winter

Our neighbors took their little boy sledding a while ago and I thought it looked like a lot of fun so they let us borrow their tube and we went sledding this weekend. 

There is a grassy area on our corner with teeny Leilani sized hills.

It didn't work so well with Mom and Dad on the tube.

Perfect!

While Mom and Dad built a snowman...

Leilani did this:)

I suppose there are some advantages to more snow when it's starting to feel warmer.

Feelings

I'm one of those people that tell it all.

The good, the bad, and the ugly.

I'm not a sugar coater.

And I've also recently found out about myself that I have to talk out my problems.

I don't really want the person on the listening end to solve my problems.

I can do that on my own if they will just listen long enough.

But that takes a lot of patience.

Which is one of the reasons I love my husband so much.

He is often on the listening end of my Woes and Woohoos!

Anyway, that was a very long way to go about introducing my next few thoughts but just bare with me as all of you have now volunteered to be my listening end.

*Deep sigh*

Here we go.

One of my biggest struggles in life is myself.

I know I know everyone is their worst critic.

But mine goes a little deeper than that.

I am blessed to not be tempted by the world of drugs, alcohol, and sex but we all must face challenges in this life and they all come a little differently.

Mine can't really be seen by people around me.

Mine come from the inner most parts of my own head.

My perception of myself and my perception of my inadequacies hold me back and trip me up WAY more than I would even like to admit to myself.

I have recently been faced with one of the biggest challenges of my life thus far.

Motherhood.

It is becoming more and more evident as time goes on that my daughter is gifted.

I know I'm a first time mom and every first time mom thinks their baby is the smartest, cutest, funniest, most adorable thing on the planet, but this isn't just coming from my own motherly pride.

There is a special spirit about my daughter that I cannot describe with words.

Even before she was born I knew that Heavenly Father had an important plan for my child.

She did not come here by my terms.  She was meant to come to earth at this time for a specific purpose.

That feeling has only deepened as I have watched her develop into the exeptionally smart, loving, happy, easy going person that she is.

Something in her beautiful, deep, hopeful eyes tells me that she also knows that she has a special purpose.

So...what seems to be the problem, you ask?

Well.

That knowledge terrifies me.

My insecurities tell me that I'm not good enough or prepared enough or capable enough to make sure that she fulfills that potential.

Even while I'm typing this tears of fear and anxiety fill my eyes.

I know Heavenly Father trusts me enough to send her to me or he would not have done so, but Heavenly Father will also not take away our agency.

Do I have the strength to do what it takes to step up to the plate for this calling?

Are my own selfish worries going to hinder the progression of my daughter?

Do I have the strength to change the things in my life to be the example to my daughter that she needs so that I don't have to say "Do as I say and not as I do"?

The only answer I can give to that, is I hope so.

It will not be easy.  And that may be my biggest hold up.  I know it will be hard.  The procrastinator inside of me says you can wait just a little bit longer to change.  But no I can't! 

"Yea, behold the day of this life is the day for men to perform their labors...for after this day of life, which is given us to prepare for eternity, behold, if we do not improve our time while in the life, then cometh the night of darkness, wherein there can be no labor performed...For behold, if ye have procrastinated the day of your repentance even until death, behold, ye have become subjected to the spirit of the devil"
Alma 34:32-35

I know these things.

The question that has been haunting my mind the past couple of days is "Why do I do what I do, when I know what I know?"

I hope I can change that to say, "I do what I do BECAUSE I know what I know."

But,this is how spiritual progression works, and I need to trust that the Lord knows how to help me overcome.

What I have to face has already been faced and defeated.

So I guess the only thing left to say is

Bring It On!

(p.s. see I told you I could work through it myself if you would just listen long enough:)
(I also feel it important to add, that I don't think my daughter is the only child who was sent with a specific purpose at this time.  The children being born now have truly been saved for these last days.  They are strong willed personalities that are equipped for the war they are fighting against the world.  I think it just calls for the parents to raise the bar and that is always a scary hurdle to look upon)

BLAH!

I don't know if it's the weather.

Could be.

I don't know if it's stress.

Could be.

I don't know if it's hormones.

Could be.

But I feel blah!

I'm tired all the time.

Except right now it's 2:15am and I can't sleep.

hmmmm...

My mom took Leilani home today so that I could focus on my homework.

Focus.

Ha!

That's a joke.

I can't focus on anything right now.

I ate a whole snickers today.

Pretty sure that's not part of the diet.

Who cares about a diet right now?

That's what I say.

(Ok I don't really say that.  I know I care, but I just don't wanna right now)

I think I need to read this book

and take a sleeping pill.

Except I don't take sleeping pills.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Twilight

I know what you're thinking

"That was SO last year"

Yes, I'm a little behind the times,

but le' me esplain.

I got home from my mission August of 2008 and started school four days later.

That semester I was taking a children's literature class and my teacher was explaining the importance of having a broad spectrum of books in your classroom library.

Cotton candy is what she called books with no depth.

Just pure fluff.

She said those books were fine for those children who probably won't pick up a meat and potatoes book, but they can pick up some cotton candy anywhere.  You want to have the meat and potatoes in your classroom.

She then asked who had read "Twilight"

Me being fresh off the mish had no idea what she was talking about and didn't raise my hand.

I looked around the classroom and immediately felt two inches tall.

I was, by no exaggeration, the ONLY person in the entire class who had not read the book.

She then asked what they learned from that book.

No one spoke.

Not one person could come up with a single thing they had learned.

Cotton candy.

Well, me with my post missionary mind set immediately through that book out the window.

To me, entertainment was considered evil and a waste of time.

Later when the movie came out, Targhee and I went to see it just to find out what all the hullabaloo was about.

We laughed ourselves to sleep that night at the pure sappy, cheesy, ridiculousness of it all.

For the life of me I couldn't see what the huge obsession was all about.

I've never been one to follow the crowd so just the pure fact that 80% of the population was up in arms about it turned me off.

Fast forward a few years.

I'm still in school.

I'm a mom.

I have extra time that I wasn't planning on having this semester

(which I was filling up with spider solitaire lol :)

I wanted to be entertained.

WHAT?

Yes, I've since calmed the eccentric mission monster and enjoy being entertained.

So, I picked it up.

AND

I really enjoyed it.

No, I was not given any life lessons from it.

But it is entertaining.

Sappy? Cheesy? Ridiculous?

Yes!

Although the poor quality acting in the movie make the sappy parts WAY worse than the book ever intended.

But in all fairness.  I read over 400 pages in less than a week.

I don't do that!

So kudos to Stephanie Meyer for knowing how to entertain:)

Am I going to join a team and have their faces tatooed on my arm?

I don't think so.

But I will add it to my list of favorite books to read.

Fitness Tip #5

This week was SO much better!

I'm in the "push" month with Chalean and man does she know how to kick your butt!

It makes you feel so good though when you can pick up a larger weight than you could the week before and conquer those reps:)

I'd like to thank Targhee for being so supportive of my workouts.

He knows how important this is to me so every morning he takes Leilani and entertains her for those 30 minutes.

Thank you so much honey!

After having a discussion with my mom about my frustrations with weight loss she helped me see that my family's bodies are made a little different than your regular person and that if we are really serious about losing weight we really need to cut back on our carbohydrates. 

Like I've said before, this is not a fad diet or short term fix it for me.  This is a way of life that I plan to be able to do for the rest of my life.  So completely eliminating things from my diet doesn't sound very realistic to me, and if you know me at all you know nobody's gonna take away my cereal!

Which brings us to our next tip.

Fitness Tip #5

Fight the White!

Products made of white flour are cheep, tasty and convenient, but your body doesn't have to work at all to get the energy from them.  Crackers, pretzels, cereals, breads, pastries, pasta, tortillas, crusts- these are staples to our culture, but are viewed as sugars to our body and go straight to our belly and hips.  Choose whole grain products instead, but use them in combination with lean proteins and your body will respond.  When you don't get the choice, eat half the bun; leave the pizza crust on your plate.  Remember, less is best.

My sister helped explain this to me so well.  The carbohydrates are the energy that your body needs to keep going, but carbs by themselves burn quickly and we are left feeling hungry.  When we eat protein along with our carbs, the protein helps stabilize our metabolism and carries out the energy across a longer period of time.  We should always try to have an equal amount (in grams) of "good" carbs (remember we're fighting the white) with protein.

Top 10 Whole Grains

1. 100% whole-wheat bread

2. whole-wheat spaghetti or pasta

3. brown rice

4. old-fashioned rolled oats (or instant regular oatmeal)

5. High fiber cereal (at least 5 grams of fiber per serving) 

Examples: All bran, Raisin Bran, Shredded Wheat, Grape Nuts, Kashi Go Lean

6. wild rice

7. bulgur (this is simply a cleaned, pre-cooked, dried, and ground form of whole wheat that can be used in place of rice; in stews, salads, casseroles, and baked goods; or as a breakfast cereal)

8. barley

9. Kashi Pilaf hot cereal (this is a great hot cereal that can be eaten at any meal; it contains healthy grains that we dont' often eat or know how to cook such as barley, triticale, buckwheat, whole rye, and whole hard red winter wheat)

10. Popcorn (not butter-coated movie popcorn, but plain old-fashioned popcorn) 

The Best Days Are Yet To Come

Today it was warm enough for Leilani and I to go outside.
Or at least the sun was out giving the illusion that it was warm enough to go outside.

Oh how I can't wait for summer when we get to play outside everyday.

My daughter is a completely different person when she gets to play outside.

She's her mother's daughter.

PLUS...

She had SHOES!!

We've been working on the whole shoe thing.

Normally she screams at me when I put her shoes on but today she got to go outside and walk all by herself because she had shoes on!

Shoes are SOO cool!

(Now if only we could convince her how cool sippy cups are)

She is seriously the sweetest one year old.

I am so grateful to have had the experiences I have with her to be able to appreciate what a sweetheart she is right now.

Fitness Tip #4

Yup

Definitely discouraged.

4 weeks = no weight loss

BUT

We did go bowling Saturday night and I bowled two games without my arm ever feeling sore!

I'm getting stronger.

I didn't exercise once last week. 

I know!

It kinda started off on the wrong foot with the whole ER thing and I never jumped back on.

But this week will be different.

I promise!

So here's my next tip for myself and you.

Fitness Tip #4

Drink lots of water!

It's about the only free thing left in this world: Calorie free, fat free, cholesterol free, and it comes straight from your tap!  Keep a water bottle* with you at all times and don't sip, guzzle.  Room temperature water is much easier to drink in large amounts than ice water.  Try it, it goes down better.  Women need at least 90 oz a day and men 125 oz a day, (that's approx. 11 cups and 16 cups respectively.)  Caffeinated beverages DO NOT count as part of your water intake.  Water regulates our body temperature, transports nutrients, acts as medium for metabolic reactions, carries away waste, and provides structure to our cells.  Even better, a body that is well hydrated feels less hungry!

*So a friend of mine just told me that she bought a new water bottle with a sippy straw (as shown above) and has fallen in love with it.  She drinks a TON of water because she loves carrying her new water bottle along with her and sipping up the straw:)  Hey, if that's the trick, go for it!!
p.s. I love the advertisement for these things
"Just bite and drink, no need to turn it upside down and squeeze anymore."
which is what totally sold my friend:)

Scariest Experience of my Life

We woke up normal, just like any other regular day.   Targhee had some text books to read and I had some dishes to get done so I entertained Leilani at the dishwasher while Targhee read.   She climbed up inside and laughed and played as she watched me wash dishes-   all very exciting from a higher point of view.   She grabs the tupperware and dishes and I put them back in.   Fun game- let me tell ya.   She had been working on trying to pull a glass out but it was a little wedged so I continued drying just when she yanked hard enough to get it out.   I went to take it from her, she dodged and slipped.   Down she fell with the glass in her hand and it shattered everywhere.   She fell on the glass. I picked her up see blood everywhere.   Freak out!   Targhee runs in.   I grab a towel and still see more blood.   Where is it coming from?   I finally see about an inch gash out of her forehead.   Freak out again.   Shaking, crying, and trying to hold a towel on my babies head we rush out to the car and speed to the emergency room praying the whole way there.   I got her to calm down in the car but when we got to the hospital she started screaming again.   Dumb secretary lady on the phone.   Mom and Dad and baby covered in blood pacing the floor wondering if SOMEBODY is going to help us.   Finally get us in a room.   Nurse comes in and starts cleaning blood.   Volunteer lady brings cute little hand made teddy bears, books, and bubbles to distract (mostly mom, but it worked for Leilani too).   We realize that she has two gashes, one in her cheek and one on her forehead.   The doctor comes in (everyone is quite calm by the way- don't seem to be in any hurry).  Leilani goes under anesthesia.   Mom and Dad cry as they watch their little girl lie limply on the hospital bed.   Doctor stitches up the gashes (stitches take about 45 minutes)   Leilani starts coming out of it after about 30 minutes into the stitching but says "Hi" very sweetly over and over.   They give her more anesthesia.   She's out for good this time.   Doctor lets us examine stitching.   Mom's pretty impressed, Dad's stressed.   Leilani decides to sleep and sleep and sleep.   It's nap time.   Who wants to be woken up during nap time especially after anesthesia and such an eventful morning?   Mom and Dad try not to stress out but do just a little bit more because she won't wake up.   Finally doctor comes in, gives her a little bit harder shake than Mom and Dad have been and Leilani wakes up, loopy and confused.   Wait for about an hour for the effects to wear off.   Leilani takes everything like a champ, but is a little annoyed that she can't stand up and run like usual.  

We might look calm in these pictures, but I assure you, we were not.

Waiting in the ER for the doctor

Somebody made these adorable bears for the hospital.  I can't tell you how much that meant to me thinking that someone did that so my little girl could have something to cuddle.

After she got all stitched up and was out from the anesthesia.  She looked so peaceful but so little and helpless.  It was hard to let her stay there.

She woke up and feeling really weird, but was still a trooper and a sweetheart.

We’re home now.   Leilani is a sweetheart.   Snuggling every now and then.   She’s still confused at why she can’t stand up and why Mom and Dad have to help her walk everywhere, but she’s taking a nap now and I’m trying to relearn how to breath in customary easy breaths.   She’ll only need the stitches in for a week and then they’ll keep the tape on it.   The cuts were clean and the doctor said the scarring should be very minimal.   When I first saw the gash I thought they might have to do a skin graft or something so I was really pleased that the stitches closed it up so nicely.   I just keep thinking of my beautiful baby’s face with huge scars all over it and want to hide my face and cry, but I keep trying to remember when my nephew Dallin got burned and how you can’t see a single scar now.  

Probably the scariest experience of my life.   I don’t like feeling so helpless and thinking that if I would have only done this or that, it wouldn’t have happened.   I know things like this happen and they will continue to happen, and it could have been a lot worse so I am just counting my blessings that she is just fine.   Let’s just say Targhee already has plans to throw away ALL our glasses and get plastic everything.   He’ll probably have the whole house bubble wrapped by the end of the day.  

Fitness Tip #3

So, I have to admit I'm a little bit more discouraged this week.

I don't think I've even lost any weight from when I started.

Those two pounds were iffy.

We haven't had a scale throughout our married life because I've always said I don't really care what my number is, I just care how I feel when I look at myself.

But since I was being serious about losing weight this year I decided to make the investment.

Ok, not really an investment, more like $7 at Walmart, which I think is part of the problem.

It's not digital.

I can't read the numbers when standing straight up, and if I try to lean over the weight changes.

*Sigh*

When I weighed in yesterday it said I had gained two pounds from my starting point.

I threw my hands up and said I give up.

Not for good.

Just for a second.

So here is my fitness tip for this week which I think is my biggest downfall.

Fitness Tip #3

Feed Yourself Lean

All the exercise in the world cannot compensate for poor eating habits.  Our bodies need regular, lean, and fiber rich meals.  Do not diet; rather eat small amounts, more often.  Rotate meals and snacks every 2 1/2 to 3 hours without fail, and your body will start metabolizing much more efficiently.  Skipping breakfast is not an option for you.*  Eating after dinner is not an option.  Stop 3 hours before bedtime for optimum calorie burn.  Meals and snacks should be an equal portion of lean protein and fiber rich carbohydrates.

*Skipping breakfast is how the sumo wrestlers train. Who here wants to look like a sumo wrestler?  Ha! Not me!  When we skip meals our body automatically stores what we do eat as fat because it thinks it needs to go into survival mode.  Eating small portions (200-250 calories) every few hours fuels our bodies and it actually burns what we eat faster.

We are going to do what fit people do, not what fat people do:)

Spider Solitaire

So I started playing Spider Solitaire over Christmas break since I didn't seem to have anything serious pressing on my time and lining cards in chonological order seemed like an ok thing to do.

I've always been partial to the "easy" game with all black cards of one suit but one day Targhee looked over and said, that game is too easy for you, you need to do the two suit game.

Woah!

So, I tried it, and with a little bit of coaching from him,
I won! 

Well, ever since then I have had a ridiculous obsession with Spider Solitaire.

While cooking dinner, I think to myself, "this needs to sit for 10 minutes, that gives me just enough time to play some solitaire."

While taking a shower I think, "I need to relax for a second after I get out, maybe I'll play a game of solitaire."

Before doing my homework, "maybe a quick game of solitaire will help me focus better."

It's like the need to get ALL of the cards organized has somehow come up on my list of things to get done and I'm stressed if I don't get it done.

Lame?

Yes! Yes, it is:)

 As if playing a game of solitaire will really help me focus better before doing my homework- no it's really just me procrastinating just a LITTLE bit longer before actually doing my homework.  Which is actually what this post is as well:)

So, fellow procrastinators, pull out the drawer that has been driving you nuts for months and reorganize it.
Fold those fitted sheets in the fancy way that takes twice as long.

Do the dishes by hand instead of putting them in the dishwasher because it makes you feel productive when you have no desire to actually be productive

and play your spider solitaire game 8 times before you actually win

because

homework can wait:)

Actually, no, no it can't which is why I end up staying up way to late doing it, but does that stop me?  Nope;)