Extended Winter

Our neighbors took their little boy sledding a while ago and I thought it looked like a lot of fun so they let us borrow their tube and we went sledding this weekend. 

There is a grassy area on our corner with teeny Leilani sized hills.

It didn't work so well with Mom and Dad on the tube.

Perfect!

While Mom and Dad built a snowman...

Leilani did this:)

I suppose there are some advantages to more snow when it's starting to feel warmer.

Feelings

I'm one of those people that tell it all.

The good, the bad, and the ugly.

I'm not a sugar coater.

And I've also recently found out about myself that I have to talk out my problems.

I don't really want the person on the listening end to solve my problems.

I can do that on my own if they will just listen long enough.

But that takes a lot of patience.

Which is one of the reasons I love my husband so much.

He is often on the listening end of my Woes and Woohoos!

Anyway, that was a very long way to go about introducing my next few thoughts but just bare with me as all of you have now volunteered to be my listening end.

*Deep sigh*

Here we go.

One of my biggest struggles in life is myself.

I know I know everyone is their worst critic.

But mine goes a little deeper than that.

I am blessed to not be tempted by the world of drugs, alcohol, and sex but we all must face challenges in this life and they all come a little differently.

Mine can't really be seen by people around me.

Mine come from the inner most parts of my own head.

My perception of myself and my perception of my inadequacies hold me back and trip me up WAY more than I would even like to admit to myself.

I have recently been faced with one of the biggest challenges of my life thus far.

Motherhood.

It is becoming more and more evident as time goes on that my daughter is gifted.

I know I'm a first time mom and every first time mom thinks their baby is the smartest, cutest, funniest, most adorable thing on the planet, but this isn't just coming from my own motherly pride.

There is a special spirit about my daughter that I cannot describe with words.

Even before she was born I knew that Heavenly Father had an important plan for my child.

She did not come here by my terms.  She was meant to come to earth at this time for a specific purpose.

That feeling has only deepened as I have watched her develop into the exeptionally smart, loving, happy, easy going person that she is.

Something in her beautiful, deep, hopeful eyes tells me that she also knows that she has a special purpose.

So...what seems to be the problem, you ask?

Well.

That knowledge terrifies me.

My insecurities tell me that I'm not good enough or prepared enough or capable enough to make sure that she fulfills that potential.

Even while I'm typing this tears of fear and anxiety fill my eyes.

I know Heavenly Father trusts me enough to send her to me or he would not have done so, but Heavenly Father will also not take away our agency.

Do I have the strength to do what it takes to step up to the plate for this calling?

Are my own selfish worries going to hinder the progression of my daughter?

Do I have the strength to change the things in my life to be the example to my daughter that she needs so that I don't have to say "Do as I say and not as I do"?

The only answer I can give to that, is I hope so.

It will not be easy.  And that may be my biggest hold up.  I know it will be hard.  The procrastinator inside of me says you can wait just a little bit longer to change.  But no I can't! 

"Yea, behold the day of this life is the day for men to perform their labors...for after this day of life, which is given us to prepare for eternity, behold, if we do not improve our time while in the life, then cometh the night of darkness, wherein there can be no labor performed...For behold, if ye have procrastinated the day of your repentance even until death, behold, ye have become subjected to the spirit of the devil"
Alma 34:32-35

I know these things.

The question that has been haunting my mind the past couple of days is "Why do I do what I do, when I know what I know?"

I hope I can change that to say, "I do what I do BECAUSE I know what I know."

But,this is how spiritual progression works, and I need to trust that the Lord knows how to help me overcome.

What I have to face has already been faced and defeated.

So I guess the only thing left to say is

Bring It On!

(p.s. see I told you I could work through it myself if you would just listen long enough:)
(I also feel it important to add, that I don't think my daughter is the only child who was sent with a specific purpose at this time.  The children being born now have truly been saved for these last days.  They are strong willed personalities that are equipped for the war they are fighting against the world.  I think it just calls for the parents to raise the bar and that is always a scary hurdle to look upon)

BLAH!

I don't know if it's the weather.

Could be.

I don't know if it's stress.

Could be.

I don't know if it's hormones.

Could be.

But I feel blah!

I'm tired all the time.

Except right now it's 2:15am and I can't sleep.

hmmmm...

My mom took Leilani home today so that I could focus on my homework.

Focus.

Ha!

That's a joke.

I can't focus on anything right now.

I ate a whole snickers today.

Pretty sure that's not part of the diet.

Who cares about a diet right now?

That's what I say.

(Ok I don't really say that.  I know I care, but I just don't wanna right now)

I think I need to read this book

and take a sleeping pill.

Except I don't take sleeping pills.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Twilight

I know what you're thinking

"That was SO last year"

Yes, I'm a little behind the times,

but le' me esplain.

I got home from my mission August of 2008 and started school four days later.

That semester I was taking a children's literature class and my teacher was explaining the importance of having a broad spectrum of books in your classroom library.

Cotton candy is what she called books with no depth.

Just pure fluff.

She said those books were fine for those children who probably won't pick up a meat and potatoes book, but they can pick up some cotton candy anywhere.  You want to have the meat and potatoes in your classroom.

She then asked who had read "Twilight"

Me being fresh off the mish had no idea what she was talking about and didn't raise my hand.

I looked around the classroom and immediately felt two inches tall.

I was, by no exaggeration, the ONLY person in the entire class who had not read the book.

She then asked what they learned from that book.

No one spoke.

Not one person could come up with a single thing they had learned.

Cotton candy.

Well, me with my post missionary mind set immediately through that book out the window.

To me, entertainment was considered evil and a waste of time.

Later when the movie came out, Targhee and I went to see it just to find out what all the hullabaloo was about.

We laughed ourselves to sleep that night at the pure sappy, cheesy, ridiculousness of it all.

For the life of me I couldn't see what the huge obsession was all about.

I've never been one to follow the crowd so just the pure fact that 80% of the population was up in arms about it turned me off.

Fast forward a few years.

I'm still in school.

I'm a mom.

I have extra time that I wasn't planning on having this semester

(which I was filling up with spider solitaire lol :)

I wanted to be entertained.

WHAT?

Yes, I've since calmed the eccentric mission monster and enjoy being entertained.

So, I picked it up.

AND

I really enjoyed it.

No, I was not given any life lessons from it.

But it is entertaining.

Sappy? Cheesy? Ridiculous?

Yes!

Although the poor quality acting in the movie make the sappy parts WAY worse than the book ever intended.

But in all fairness.  I read over 400 pages in less than a week.

I don't do that!

So kudos to Stephanie Meyer for knowing how to entertain:)

Am I going to join a team and have their faces tatooed on my arm?

I don't think so.

But I will add it to my list of favorite books to read.

Fitness Tip #5

This week was SO much better!

I'm in the "push" month with Chalean and man does she know how to kick your butt!

It makes you feel so good though when you can pick up a larger weight than you could the week before and conquer those reps:)

I'd like to thank Targhee for being so supportive of my workouts.

He knows how important this is to me so every morning he takes Leilani and entertains her for those 30 minutes.

Thank you so much honey!

After having a discussion with my mom about my frustrations with weight loss she helped me see that my family's bodies are made a little different than your regular person and that if we are really serious about losing weight we really need to cut back on our carbohydrates. 

Like I've said before, this is not a fad diet or short term fix it for me.  This is a way of life that I plan to be able to do for the rest of my life.  So completely eliminating things from my diet doesn't sound very realistic to me, and if you know me at all you know nobody's gonna take away my cereal!

Which brings us to our next tip.

Fitness Tip #5

Fight the White!

Products made of white flour are cheep, tasty and convenient, but your body doesn't have to work at all to get the energy from them.  Crackers, pretzels, cereals, breads, pastries, pasta, tortillas, crusts- these are staples to our culture, but are viewed as sugars to our body and go straight to our belly and hips.  Choose whole grain products instead, but use them in combination with lean proteins and your body will respond.  When you don't get the choice, eat half the bun; leave the pizza crust on your plate.  Remember, less is best.

My sister helped explain this to me so well.  The carbohydrates are the energy that your body needs to keep going, but carbs by themselves burn quickly and we are left feeling hungry.  When we eat protein along with our carbs, the protein helps stabilize our metabolism and carries out the energy across a longer period of time.  We should always try to have an equal amount (in grams) of "good" carbs (remember we're fighting the white) with protein.

Top 10 Whole Grains

1. 100% whole-wheat bread

2. whole-wheat spaghetti or pasta

3. brown rice

4. old-fashioned rolled oats (or instant regular oatmeal)

5. High fiber cereal (at least 5 grams of fiber per serving) 

Examples: All bran, Raisin Bran, Shredded Wheat, Grape Nuts, Kashi Go Lean

6. wild rice

7. bulgur (this is simply a cleaned, pre-cooked, dried, and ground form of whole wheat that can be used in place of rice; in stews, salads, casseroles, and baked goods; or as a breakfast cereal)

8. barley

9. Kashi Pilaf hot cereal (this is a great hot cereal that can be eaten at any meal; it contains healthy grains that we dont' often eat or know how to cook such as barley, triticale, buckwheat, whole rye, and whole hard red winter wheat)

10. Popcorn (not butter-coated movie popcorn, but plain old-fashioned popcorn) 

The Best Days Are Yet To Come

Today it was warm enough for Leilani and I to go outside.
Or at least the sun was out giving the illusion that it was warm enough to go outside.

Oh how I can't wait for summer when we get to play outside everyday.

My daughter is a completely different person when she gets to play outside.

She's her mother's daughter.

PLUS...

She had SHOES!!

We've been working on the whole shoe thing.

Normally she screams at me when I put her shoes on but today she got to go outside and walk all by herself because she had shoes on!

Shoes are SOO cool!

(Now if only we could convince her how cool sippy cups are)

She is seriously the sweetest one year old.

I am so grateful to have had the experiences I have with her to be able to appreciate what a sweetheart she is right now.