My Conference Lesson

I love General Conference weekend!

I remember the first time I really looked forward to it was as a missionary.  I ate up every word!  Afterward, we had a meeting with my mission president who asked if we enjoyed it.  When we all enthusiastically exclaimed we loved it, his response was, "You guys are weird!"  I remember being slightly taken back that he'd be calling his little army of missionaries weird, but then when you think about it, we are!!

How many people would honestly say that they loved sitting and listening to 8 hours (10 for the men) of lecture?  I never did before.  We truly are a peculiar people.  But it's not exactly the 8 hours of lecture that is exciting.  In fact, I have been put to sleep more times than I care to mention by these wonderful men's soft lulling voices.  

So, no, it's not the sitting for 8 hours that I love, but the feeling I get when I here truth. And General Conference is packed full of it!

I am a person who doesn't carry much faith in my own abilities.  Something I am working on.  I would like to believe that I have talents and skills to offer others and most importantly my children, but often times am discouraged when I continually fall short.

Conference seems to change that.

I get the feeling that the leaders of our Church truly believe in us.  Truly believe that we can achieve great things individually and as a whole because they know who they put their faith in.

Our Savior.

The feeling that someone else believes in me is something I crave.  I require validation.  It's like hitting the refresh button every 6 months.  So yes, I look forward to it, and yes, I was definitely needing it this weekend.

Well, let me tell you how THIS particular conference went.

Targhee had to work Saturday morning and as much of a bummer that is, it is the reality of our life right now. 

So I get the kids up and ready and set up my computer in front of a work table right in the middle of the play room thinking how brilliant a plan that was.  I would be with the kids in their element.  They would be happily playing around at my feet and conference would just be going on in the background.  I can hear you laughing already.

We had prepared Leilani the night before getting her excited that the prophet was going to speak to us.  It worked.  She woke up and said, "Is it time? Is he here?"  I realized she misunderstood and explained that we would just be listening to him on the computer.  She ran into the playroom and listened for a few minutes saying things like "He said Heavenly Father."  "I pray too!" But her sweet little three year old enthusiasm was soon encompassed by boredom. 

TJ, on the other hand, never once caught the excitement.  All I had to do was print out my "conference packet" for him to start whining.  Just the very appearance that my attention would be directed elsewhere brought his little one year old self into despair. 

It was 11:00am.  A whole hour since the beginning of conference when we all lost it.

I picked up TJ and tossed him (lightly) in his crib (for "time out") then went to my own room and shut the door for my own time out, all in one swift movement.  I proceeded the bawl hysterically while hearing TJ do the same and Leilani whining in confusion of what just happened.  I didn't understand.  Why, when I had such a righteous desire to hear the words of the Prophet in order to be a better mother, was I failing horribly at that very thing?  I prayed for guidance.  What do I do now Lord?

"Turn off Conference."

WHAT?? 

But when I tried to protest, I was reminded that this was not the only chance I would get to listen to it.  There would be the Ensign and the mormonchannel that would have their talks word for word for me to review at a more spiritually conducive time.

I slowly got up, collected myself, turned off conference and took my children outside.

As I now ponder on this experience I realize that the Lord is trying to teach me a valuable lesson.  My children are the most important thing in my life right now and even more than that, they are the most important thing to Him.  Whatever personal agendas I may have are irrelevant when it comes to the needs of my children. 

Boy that's a hard thing for me. And I'm afraid I will be learning this lesson over and over throughout my life.

But, as difficult as being a mother is, I am grateful for these learning opportunities that help me grow in understanding of our Heavenly Father's will and love for his children.

I was also able to watch the afternoon session much more peacefully during TJ's nap:)
My perspective is so limited.

I know we have a Heavenly Father who watches over us and understands our desires and needs.  He answers our prayers, even if it is not in the way we had originally planned on.  His way is always greater.