Words of Wisdom
A compilation of advice from those who have
"been there."
A compilation of advice from those who have
"been there."
A few of my sisters were heavenly angels in answer to my plea for help (actually all of them have been at one point or another throughout this). I'm so grateful for their constant support. I have tried to coordinate and summarize some of their suggestions.
1. You are not alone!
There are many other mothers who feel the same way you are feeling. We all have different challenges but we are all struggling and trying to work through it the best we can. Parenting is HARD. Some mothers thrive during the baby and toddler ages and some do not. Some mothers thrive during the older years and some do not. That's ok. Luckily children go through phases.
"All I ever wanted to be was a mother, and
I am constantly reminded at how very unnatural this mothering thing is to me.
It is a daily, constant, struggle."
Also remember that social networks like Facebook and blogs tend to over emphasize the positive and inaccurately diminish the negative so we are left feeling like Miss So and So is superwoman while we're over here trying to keep the laundry folded. It's simply not true.
2. Get Dressed
You've heard the term "dress for success." Well the same applies at home. Dress like your are prepared to face the day's challenges. If you dress like a lousy sack of potatoes you're going to feel like a lousy sack of potatoes. There are some days when you may never leave the house (most days for me) but it still makes a difference in how you feel about yourself if you get ready. Be patient with yourself since taking a shower when you have kids can be like an Olympic event.
"Taking a shower, getting dressed everyday, doing my hair and putting my make up on everyday makes me feel good. Sometimes the shower, hair, and make-up has to be done in stages rather than all at once:)"
Also in this category... Make your bed. I've never been a bed maker. I'm just going to get back in it so why make it, right? But it really does make a difference. Try it. You'll see.
3. Be Social
"Being social (at least twice a week) is HUGE for me. I need interaction with other people. If there is not something regularly happening, I have needed to create it. Be persistent at inviting people to do things and don't take it personally if people can't join you."
"You HAVE to make friends!!!!"
"We have to help each other. We need to hear that what we're going through is normal and we're not alone. We need to hear other people's ideas of how to get your child to stop (fill in the blank), and others need to hear from you! We mommies have to stick together, but you're going to have to invite people, not wait for someone to notice or invite you."
"Taking a shower, getting dressed everyday, doing my hair and putting my make up on everyday makes me feel good. Sometimes the shower, hair, and make-up has to be done in stages rather than all at once:)"
Also in this category... Make your bed. I've never been a bed maker. I'm just going to get back in it so why make it, right? But it really does make a difference. Try it. You'll see.
3. Be Social
"Being social (at least twice a week) is HUGE for me. I need interaction with other people. If there is not something regularly happening, I have needed to create it. Be persistent at inviting people to do things and don't take it personally if people can't join you."
"You HAVE to make friends!!!!"
"We have to help each other. We need to hear that what we're going through is normal and we're not alone. We need to hear other people's ideas of how to get your child to stop (fill in the blank), and others need to hear from you! We mommies have to stick together, but you're going to have to invite people, not wait for someone to notice or invite you."
"People need people. And it's okay to show our weaknesses and humanness to others. We don't have to put on brave faces and do this all alone and let people think we've got it all under control."
"I decided that my hobby was being social. I
went to any social event I could."
4. Exercise
"FIND an exercise friend!!!"
"Exercise makes a HUGE difference in one's
health, attitude, outlook, depression, etc."
"Ok, this next one is always the
hardest for me! No matter how much I do it and how much of a habit it has
become it is always hard to make myself exercise (2-3 times a week). There is
nothing I enjoy about it. Even though I
never enjoy it while I am doing it, I have been consistent enough over the last
several years to recognize that my well-being as a person is better when I am
doing regular exercise. It takes so much
will power and there are a million excuses we can come up with why we cannot do
it but for me, I know I feel better when I do. Although I my not in the moment or even in that
very day. But if I look at a month where
I did regular exercise verses a month where I did not, I felt better overall
during the month I did than the month I didn't."
"I know leaving the house may seem like too
much work to make it worth it, but when I had preschoolers, I made a big effort
to leave the house every morning, no matter what the reason. It gave us
something to look forward to, to do, to get dressed and ready for, and most of
all a routine that we could all stick to."
"I have learned that my daughter has a
better disposition the mornings that we leave the house and go to the gym than
the mornings we don't (even though she complains about going sometimes)."
"Keep healthy stuff around that's easy to snack on: fruit, nuts, yogurt, string cheese. DON'T buy ice cream, candy, crackers."
5. Seek professional help"Keep healthy stuff around that's easy to snack on: fruit, nuts, yogurt, string cheese. DON'T buy ice cream, candy, crackers."
If you have tried everything you can and are still not feeling better, get help. Depression is real. You do not need to feel ashamed or embarrassed about it. Hormonal and chemical imbalances are real. If you cannot get through it yourself seek out those with the knowledge and ability to do so.
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