Pure Joy

I have had so much fun these last couple days spending time with my family.  Every morning Targhee, Leilani and I get to eat breakfast together and play and just relax.  We have nothing pressing our time. 

I know I couldn't live like this forever, (I kinda always have to be doing something), but I think that's why I'm enjoying it so much is because I know how short our time is and I am trying to soak up every minute. 

The other day as I was watching Leilani play, I had the most pure feeling of joy that I think I've ever felt.  I was truly happy to be her mother and I could honestly say to myself that I was enjoying being a mom. 

Some of you may think I'm crazy that it's taken me almost a year to get to this point, but it has.  The first couple months of her life were very difficult for me.  I think I must have been too stressed out about everything to even think about enjoying it.  Around 7 or 8 months is when my stress levels started to decrease and I started feeling like a normal person again.  

Now that I think about it a lot of things changed at that time that allowed for progress. 

I started school, (believe it or not that helped me relax as a mother- haha- I guess I haven't learned how to be a full time stay at home mom yet).  

Leilani started to be completely mobile, (this stage would probably cause parents stress rather than reduce it, but Leilani has always been a very busy child and the fact that she could get where she wanted to go and when she wanted to made her a happier child and me a happier mom). 

I stopped taking the pill, (maybe TMI, but birth control has a history of making Bishop girls a little out a wack so making this switch helped me function as a person, mother, and wife). 

I recognized things that I was doing in my life that I didn't like and made the efforts to change them.  (Not an easy task, I think admitting my faults was the hardest part - to myself and to my husband, for support- but I sleep much easier at night feeling ok with myself rather than loathsome).

I am so grateful for the blessings in my life.  I know the credit does not go to anyone other than my Heavenly Father who knows me personally and knows what is best.  Not everything is perfect, in fact, far from.  But feeling like I am moving forward is always a time for a joyful heart and a grateful spirit.